Natasha Frost weighs in on the final episode of The Bachelor NZ.
My heart said Naz, but my gut said Fleur – and, in the end, my gut (larger, more belligerent, less easily led) was right.
It hasn’t stopped me being utterly gutted, though.
I had planned to end this series with a video sequence of me in a large field (ideally airlifted in, if the Wireless’ budget would stretch to it), setting fire to a large, signed poster of the Bachelor.
It seemed a fitting end to a series that has, mostly, bored me to tears.
But something happened about a month ago that changed everything: the redemption of Naz.
The editors toned down the slashing knives; her (sometimes racist) rivals got sent home; and Naz revealed herself to be, in fact, totally, totally great. A real life narrative arc. We had a reason to care about this ridiculous programme.
(Also the poster I had lined up was given to someone else.)
I’ve gone over why I love Naz before: she’s a landscaper; she says it as she sees it; she’s all gooey centre and prickly outside, like a dangerous Caramello.
Jordan, on the other hand, has turned out to be a totally underwhelming Bachelor. He’s your friend’s creepy dad who offers you a job mowing lawns and goes on and on about your personal growth.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him. Don’t get me wrong, Fleur is a delight, but she’s no match for Naz. (Slightly cynically, I also find myself wondering how long it’s going to last.)
On the upside, Naz might just be the real winner here.
She’s escaped contractual obligations to appear in Instagram posts promoting the Coromandel with Jordan for months to come; she’s doubtlessly boosted her brother-in-law’s landscaping business; she might have lost Jordan (a dubious prize), but she’s won all our hearts.
Shine on, you crazy diamond – the very best landscaping, Persian, kickboxing bachelorette this little country could have hoped for. You were more than we really deserved.
If we’re lucky, the end of the series will herald Jordan and Fleur fading happily into obscurity – but I sense this won’t be the last we see of Naz.