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Wednesday 22nd November 2017

As poet Dominic "Tourettes" Hoey tours NZ with his pal Skyscraper Stan, he'll be immortalising each locale in a poem.


From left, Josh Jugum, Skyscraper Stan and Dominic Hoey
From left, Josh Jugum, Skyscraper Stan and Dominic Hoey

Photo: Supplied

After the gig in Wanaka

back at our host's house

their children still up

playing songs

talking about karate

and the solar system

smarter and more charming

than most adults I know.


And I start thinking

perhaps I should start a family

have a kid

get a house in the country

fill it with laughter and dogs


But deep down I know it won't be like this

my kid will inherit at least one of my learning disabilities

and all of my phobias

it’ll keep starting fires

small ones at first

but it won’t be long until the local school goes up in flames

and I find a half-empty can of gasoline under its bed

I’ll hide it and when the cops come round

tell them

“it was at home all night helping me get the rats out of the roof”

and suddenly I’m a bloody accessory to arson

not that the kid will care

it will be too busy

kicking the dog

and watching beheading videos on the internet 

and we’ll have to send it to some special kind of therapist 

they’ll take us aside

and shake their heads

tell us

“ya kid's fucked mate”

we’ll have to sell it's ritilan

to pay for the special therapy


Anyway I’ve got my hands full

keeping Josh fed up on pies

and making sure Stan doesn’t walk into traffic


Check the tour dates for Dominic Hoey and Skyscraper Stan here. 

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