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Keeping up with the Kontentsphere

Friday 27th October 2017

Has another week passed you by with nary a fleeting glance at the weird and wonderful world of online content? Get the goss with another handy installment of Keeping up with the Kontentsphere.

MAX KEY DISS TRACK

With his father’s former party no longer in power and the small jewel embedded in the palm of his hand flashing rapidly, Max Key is courageously doing his best to ring the last drops of relevance from his once sodden fame towel.   

Fortunately for him though, Max is a savvy boy with the canny nous and dry wit required to troll an entire country and its media.

The latest instance of this saw him threaten a diss track at US rapper/Trump enemy Eminem, following the unfortunate outcome for National in the now infamous ‘Eminem Esque’ debacle.

After posting that he “better start writing the bars that will avenge the National Party”, Key Jnr. then followed up with the even hollower threat that, should he get 10,000 likes, he will commence work on the song.

Does Max actually plan on penning and performing a rap? Or is it a sly plan to get everyone to keep talking about him? With around 2.3k likes on the post as we go to print, only time will tell.

CLARKE GAYFORD

While Max may still be desperately (but successfully) clinging on to the fame that keeps him alive, a new novelty politics adjacent person has come into my life: Clarke Gayford. It’s barely been a week since Winston picked Jacinda and I already have a folder on my computer called ‘Clarke Gayford’ with five pictures in it. Who is he? What is he thinking? Is it him running an extremely prolific Twitter account in the name of their somehow internationally famous cat or is Jacinda telling the truth? Or does Jacinda just NOT KNOW?

Anyway here is a video of him being tormented by newly minted bird of the year, the Kea, much to his inscrutable delight.

This isn’t over Gayford.

MATILDA RICE MAKES BOOK

Fresh from a weekend chock full of pretending to be Mexican, Art Green recipient Matilda Rice has finally released her much-awaited book about how to be as good as her.

The Lazy Girl's Guide to Living a Beautiful Life, a tome dedicated to educating the proletariat in the ways of being both very hot and theoretically relatable, comes out today with all the advice you need about how to become a skinny blonde girl.

Get yours today!

SHAILENE WOODLEY <3 BEN VOLAVOLA

While this week we sadly learned that Leonardo DiCaprio is not making the admittedly improbable move from Hollywood to Whangarei, at least one tinseltown star appears to have found love in our dinky wee country.

Big Little Lies actress and renowned clay-eater Shailene Woodley has embarked on a romance with North Harbour Rugby player Ben Volavola who she met while filming in his native Fiji. With the pair now on a make-out spree around Auckland, this is surely only the beginning of a fabulous love affair to which all New Zealanders can count themselves vaguely peripheral.



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