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Keeping up with the Kontentsphere

Friday 25th August 2017

Has another week passed you by with nary a fleeting glance at the weird and wonderful world of online content? Get the goss with another handy installment of Keeping up with the Kontentsphere.

 

TOM CRUISE’S BUM

Wild speculation regarding the authenticity of Tom Cruise’s juicy bottom was sparked this week, after the following tweet suggested the famously shapely actor may have been wearing a prosthetic in the film Valkyrie.

I, for one, would like to express my faith and belief in Tom Cruise’s bum, which I have no reason to believe isn’t as plush and lovely as it appears above. My thoughts are with his squishy little tush at this troubling time.

LIZZIE MARVELLY vs TOP

Having demonstrated with aplomb how to dig one’s self a hole earlier in the week, Gareth Morgan and his TOP PR schmo Sean Plunket decided that the best solution would be to pester columnist and ~feminist~ Lizzie Marvelly, who was one of the many people who dared say “hey, how’s about we don’t use pig and lipstick metaphors to discuss the first female leader of a major political party in fucking forever” (paraphrased).  

Well, Lizzie sure learned her lesson. After all, what better way to get voters engaged with the many wonderful policies you have on offer than by going on Twitter to tell everyone how dumb they are and having your communications guy harassing a woman?

SBW

I literally have no idea what’s going on with Sonny Bill Williams in the world of sport, but the other day he took the time to hang out with former refugees.

What a nice man.

PATRICK GOWER

This week, everyone’s favourite strange political reporter Patrick Gower tweeted (then deleted) the following:

*Tyra we were all rooting for you gif*

WOMEN x SILVER SCROLLS

The five Silver Scrolls finalists were announced on Thursday, and in a move that had many squealing “yass kweeen!” each and every one of them is a woman. That’s right: Lorde, Chelsea Jade, Aldous Harding, Bic Runga and Nadia Reed are all of the ~female~ persuasion, the first time such a group has exclusively been in the running for New Zealand’s top musical honour.

More good news - because I can tell the future, here is a photo of the winner with their prize:

TAYLOR SWIFT

Erstwhile pop star and sassy testimony giver Taylor Swift has emerged from hibernation to announce her new album with a series of weird CGI snake videos and the cover art of said album.

With a new singles set to be released TODAY, we have a feeling Taylor can look forward to an Excellence on this one! (Or Merit, there’s nothing wrong with Merit.)



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