Has another week passed you by with nary a fleeting glance at the weird and wonderful world of online content? Get the goss with another handy installment of Keeping up with the Kontentsphere.
Not sure what to get that special someone for Christmas? Tired of scrolling through endless gift guides that just don’t have what you want? Time is ticking! Why not surprise your friends and family with some eerie screen printed merch commemorating our new Prime Minister!?
As first noticed by NewsHub, RedBubble, one of those weird online shops that offer images printed on basically anything, one can now pick from five lovely Jacinda images to create their very own Jacinda tshirt, duvet cover, clock, travel mug, spiral bound notebook, laptop skin and, my favourite, this terrifying drawstring bag. All at very reasonable prices!
So basically, the whole family sorted.
GOODBYE MIKE HOSKING
With the nation still reeling from the news that beloved Newshub political editor and totally normal man Patrick Gower would be leaving his role, another blow has hit the white male political commentator landscape: Mike Hosking, along with his long-suffering co-host Toni Street, will be stepping down as the face of TVNZ current affairs show Seven Sharp.
While, thankfully, this is definitely not the last we will see of the famously jovial Hosking, it is a startling development for a TV show once so determined to keep the Hosking train chugging. With the pair’s final show taking place TONIGHT, it’s a sudden departure to be sure - and as with any suspicious mystery, I have already come up with a bunch of very plausible conspiracy theories which I will only share via whispers exchanged in a dimly lit parking lot.
FIRST MAX KEY POLICY ANNOUNCED
After a banger of a year for beloved political spawn Max Key, it is no surprise that he would already be looking to the future - 2044 to be precise.
While young Max has hinted at his plans to eventually follow in his father’s footsteps for a while now with the very persuasive #voteforkey2044 hashtag popping up on his Instagrams he had not announced any specific plans, until this very week.
Based on this early but confident announcement, I think we can all agree that Max will be an excellent leader.
PENIS QUOTE OF THE YEAR
New Zealand your quote of the year has arrived! Per Massey University's Quote of the Year competition, the best thing anyone said in 2017 was "Please tell me that's not your penis" as spoken by Shortland Street’s Michael Galvin to his fictional dick-pic sending son.
While most of us are once again smiling weakly as this lovely little addition to Kiwi culture, one person is not so happy.
It looks like my entry for quote of the year has been beaten by an unsolicited dick quip.https://t.co/wnRdEF0I7Y— Clarke Gayford (@NZClarke) December 14, 2017
Sadly, however, Clarke Gayford’s quote ("First ladyman? Who knows… Aiming for Michelle Obama, probably gonna be a little bit closer to Prince Philip") only made it to number seven on the list - a small blot on what was otherwise a wonderful year. Better luck next time Gayford!