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Everything you need to dress as your favourite NZ politician this Halloween

Friday 27th October 2017

No costume? No problem!

 

 

Even though Halloween is actually not until Tuesday, conventional wisdom decrees that a vast majority of Halloween parties will take place over the coming weekend. Do you have a costume? Does anyone have a costume? Unless you are one of the small, strange group of people to have planned out this fun but arbitrary holiday in advance, the chances are you have absolutely no idea what to go as and none of the items you need to achieve it.

Thankfully, help is at hand.

With most of the country still reeling from an election year with more suspense, surprises and abject horror than even Wes Craven could conjure, look no further than New Zealand’s politicians for the easy last-minute costumes you can afford.

***

Jacinda Ardern

  • Chic red Blazer
  • Book of spells to curse beloved rugby teams
  • Turntables for spontaneous DJ sets
  • Fish gift from partner
  • Famous thumb-ed cat

 

Chloe Swarbrick

  

  • Sensible white shirt
  • Sensible Pants
  • Sensible haircut
  • Delicious boutique doughnut
  • Youth sustaining lotion

 

Bill English

  • Blue coloured tie
  • Jazzy Catholic accessories
  • Disgusting pizza
  • Inspirational music
  • Phone for doing lots of completely innocent, not at all weird late night texting
  • Faraway look in eyes

 

Winston Peters

  • Hairbrush for grooming improbably lush head of hair
  • Useful book
  • Useful sign
  • Super gold card
  • Twinkle in eyes

 

Gareth Morgan

 

  • Extremely important folder of extremely good policies
  • No cat, stay away from cats
  • Strange moustache
  • Overly optimistic merch
  • Barely concealed rage


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Katie is a journalist at The Wireless.
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